If you are like me you hate this and are constantly searching for a solution. To figure out the best solution to this problem, it is important to first understand what is going on in the human brain during. We are all very similar, and chances are that what is going on in our head is the same as what is going on in the other human's head.
It all stems from a need we all have. This is the need for acceptance. Remember, our genetic code has not changed very much from the times before civilization and because of this, many of our behaviors can be traced back to our earlier existence. Our need to be accepted 40,000 years ago was pivotal for our survival. Humans that other humans enjoy being around always flourish, and this idea has crossed over to our society today, and is a very widespread idea. From middle school on, the idea of popularity starts to dominate the social structure of our young. Often times this can have vicious and cruel side effects. Many of us look back to our middle school days and cringe at the awkwardness and evil that manifests itself in the trenches of the American grade school classroom. It is at this time in our lives that we conform unlike any other, because the consequences of not conforming are much greater then. To be ostracized from the group is a fear that not only humans have, it is a fear that all pack mammals share. One of the most effective punishments for a dog is to expel him from the den. To the pack mammal, expulsion from the group could mean death, because the survival of an individual often depends on the pack.
It is in this fundamental need to be accepted that the root of the awkward walk by persists in our minds. We all have an image that we try to maintain. This image is a fundamental part of the idea discussed in earlier posts that I call the human social hierarchy, or human mind network. It is how we are viewed by society. It is our societal worth. Most of us tailor our actions keeping in mind the implications that they will have on our image. It is an inescapable instinct of the pack mammal.
When a relationship is still in its infancy, both parties are aware of the possibility that the former human will not like the latter. This is why, when given the opportunity to further the relationship, the human may choose to procrastinate. The awkward walk by happens when one, or both parties feel that they should acknowledge the other, but for some reason, only one human tries to bridge the gap and further the relationship, or neither humans try. When it is the case that one human tries, he/she feels very stupid when the attempt to bridge the gap isn't returned by the other human, creating an awkward feeling of rejection. The ignoring human, in an effort to procrastinate the development of the relationship with another human out of fear of not being accepted by the other human, unknowingly begins the relationship down the wrong path anyways.
The solution to this problem lies in the knowledge of what is going on in the other humans head. Some humans are completely oblivious to the people around them, and this could be misinterpreted as one human ignoring the other. In most cases however, both parties are aware of each other. The solution is simple and universal to all cultures and situations. It is brilliant and timeless.
You must alter your approach of acknowledgement of the other human. We feel stupid when we go out of our way to say hi to someone and nothing is returned. We look around thinking; did any one notice that? The bigger a deal you make, the more stupid you feel. The solution is to make the acknowledgment subtle enough so only you and the other party can notice. A nod of the head, or a smile will suffice. Remember, it is okay to smile! There are people who will think less of you if you smile while you walk around, but why would you want to be friends with those people anyways? There are people who will make fun of you for smiling, and that is why sometimes we feel stupid smiling and try to protect ourselves by being cold and emotionless.
Don't do this. Smile when you feel happy and cry when you feel sad. Suppressing feelings is horrible for your body. Smile when you pass someone you don't know. Not in a freaky stalker way, but rather in a sincere way that says to them; "hi, I am in a good mood and you may approach me and talk to me if you would like." If you make this simple change in your life style, you will see your horizons broaden. The world will seem much warmer and better.
Next time you have your awkward walk by, simply make eye contact, and give them a little smile. It is okay if it is a forced smile because they will be able to tell it is a forced smile and this is not a bad thing. Forcing a smile for someone is a fantastic way of breaking the ice. Think about it from the other persons perspective. When someone gives you a short, forced smile, it speaks much lounder than words. It says to you that they are polite and practiced in the art of social interaction and that it is acceptable for you to approach. Practice giving forced smiles in the mirror. The smile I like to make is one several years in the making. I like to let the person see that I see them, and then quicky give a soft smile as I slightly squint my eyes at the same time. The slight eye squint makes you seem more laid back which makes you more approachable. After about two seconds, I let the smile slowly fad. Remember that not all smiles are good. A smile can be very threatening to another human depending on the circumstance. Make them quick and be on your way. You want the smile to give the impression that you are well adjusted, not too eager for a friend, but you still would be up for a friendly chat.
For those of you that are very extroverted, and constantly find yourself feeling stupid because of the awkward walk by, you must remember that not everyone warms up as easily as you do. Everyone wants friends, but not everyone wants to be friends with everyone. These people might be more introverted and less likely to break the ice themselves, and rely on the extrovert to initiate. As an extrovert, your role in society is to bring us all together, this is where you flourish, and you doing this makes the rest of us happier, even though we will never admit it.
IMPORTANT
You must always remember that people know what is going on in their peripheral vision, even if they make it seem like they do not. Only smile if eye contact is made and only try to make eye contact for a short period of time. It doesn't bother people if you look at them for a very short period, but if it extends this makes people uncomfortable and they can tell if you are watching even if you do not think they can. Give people this short window to make eye contact at about ten feet away, if the eye contact is not returned within a second, divert your eyes and be on your way. Some times eye contact will be made, and in these situations it is appropriate to drop the walk by smile. Do it fast because people might lock eyes and immediately divert. Give them a corny fake smile that says that you're trying to be nice but aren't particularly happy to see them. These are the conditions for relationships to develop, and the successful execution of the awkward walk by.
Turn your annoying experience into your social networking tool! And, on a more general level, view things you hate to do as opportunities to master something you find annoying. I no longer fear the awkward walk by, I embrace it, and this is because of a change of attitude towards it. You are a human! Champion your life's crappiness! Imagine looking forward to all of the things you hate. If you hate hanging out with Bob, and Bob is always trying to hang out with you, then do your chores while hanging out with him. The more you hang out with him, the more organized your life becomes, and the less he likes hanging out with you because you are becoming more and more boring to him. He might even help you take care of your chores!
No comments:
Post a Comment